Say Cheese... Now Smile!

Coming home to a cold house makes me incredibly sad. When we left, I felt guilty, but then again... I felt free and happy that things would be different. Now I guess, the impact of the guilt is slamming me in the face... hence this funk.

I remember Carlene telling me that when we left, the house in San Dimas got cold. That there was no warmth in it and it was just plain depressing. So in a way, its good that we sold it so then Dad wouldn't be alone to face all of it. But think, for that year before we did sell it, he was there by himself... and unlike me when I get home, I know that mom will eventually come strolling in at 8pm... no one was coming home.

The cold makes me feel like a bad daughter... or more appropriately a "cold" and selfish daughter who at the time didn't care about her fathers needs and went with what she needed... a sister who let her younger sibling get stuck in the middle of the drama... and overall a horrible person for allowing the people I love get hurt so badly.

I really should just let it all go for the past is in the past... forgive and forget... thats what dad was always trying to get me to think... but it always come rushing back to me with the empty cold house.