Say Cheese... Now Smile!

I'm going through this weird funk at the moment. I don't know what it is... Maybe its this damn cold weather. I guess usually I'd be all "YAY ITS COLD!! I GET TO BUNDLE UP AND BE ALL CUTE AND COLD." But it was totally unexpected. Sure its January and technically still winter... but we're in SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA! The other week it sunny! The whole coldness just doesn't motivate me to go out... yeah I go to school... but I run out of my car into the classroom... and out of the classroom into my car... and then straight into the house. Hmmmmm.

OR maybe its because I've been reading this really depressing book. You'd think it would be damn hilarious since its Margaret Cho's memoirs... and there ARE parts in it that are funny... but gosh, it makes me wanna put her out of her misery... and put myself out of this new found misery since I can sorta relate with her with some of the issues. (just not the whole excessive sex, drug, booze parts.)

Maybe its because I'm having these horrible CRAMPS and I pretty much just wanna bundle up in bed (where its WARM!!), continue reading the depressing book, and munch on some form of chocolate while I bargain with myself that by eating it... I will spend an extra 10 minutes on the elipitical... that is if I can haul my ass out of the WARM bed and into the gym.

I dunno... but I've been driving myself mad and probably making myself more miserable by listening to KOST 103.5, belting along with Whitney Houston to "I HAVE NOTHING" while taking a shower. OH MY GOSH... yeah... it could be KOST.. the other night there this sad sad letter from one chick who broke up with her boyfriend... wait... i think the boyfriend broke up with her cause of something she did.... I dunno.. but it was so depressing and she was all apologetic... and she requested Peter Cetera's "HARD TO SAY I'M SORRY." I was ready to pour shampoo into my eyes cause that made me so sad!!

I think ultimately... I'm lonely. UGH. Pathetic huh. But think about it, these past few weeks, my mom was off and Carlene was here. There was always someone here when i got home... but now with everyone off and doing their own things... I come home, the house is empty... and I am alone. I study. When I'm not studying I'll spend quality time on my computer waiting for someone to entertain me or read some bittersweet romantic work of fiction. ITS SAD!! I don't mind staying at home... its comfy. This past weekend, I did nothing really but stay home... I was hella bored... but I was bored with my sister which made it interesting... somewhat.

I have no idea how I can fix this... I guess is something that I have to deal with cause ultimately I'm going to grow up and there is a possibility that I will be alone. Back in the days of San Dimas it was easy cause Melissa was down the hill, down the street and up the hill... Lisa was down the hill, into Glendora and up the mini hill, and Tam wad down Grand. Hell, Xanti was 5 houses away too! So it was relatively easy to call someone up and kick it. But now I'm out here in the booooooonnies. And everyone had their own lives... doing their own thing.... down by their own schools. Gosh... I really miss those easy days.

Ok... I need some milk.

P.S. sorry for such a whiny and depressing blog. I really don't like reading other folks whiny and depressing blogs cause those either make me 1) depressed as well or 2) hella annoyed at the person cause its like "dammit!! snap out of it!" so if I make you feel any of those... I really am sorry. I promise to be more cheery and happy next time. :)