Say Cheese... Now Smile!

The day after...

So how do I feel? I'm happy (incredibly), as Melissa says: giggly, relieved, and perhaps just as perplexed as before. The date auction was a complete success and we were able to raise $700 plus for Pediatric Trauma (whooo hooo Mikes whopping $200 bid was a BIG factor) and I'm very happy to say that Alex bought me. :)

The "date" afterwards was dinner over in boonie land at the Macaroni Grill. Although I'm grateful that It was a group date and I was surrounded by friends, I probably wasn't the greatest date since I was surrounded by friends. I swear, I'm like this pathetic kid who gets distracted with shiny and moving objects. :( But it was nice to have his company and hopefully he'll call so then I talk and not be to distracted. *cross fingers* He's a total sweetie.

The whole date auction experience on the other hand was pretty terrifying. I dunno... I tried running away several times.. even thought about jumping off the balcony. I guess it was the anxiety of standing up there with people eyeing you and then BIDDING on you... *shudder* yeah.. I felt like a whore. Thankfully Ryan kept the bidding fast and it was over with... :)

The night before the whole shindig... I was pretty freaked. I guess it was the date auction anxiety and this damn top 10 list thingie. I think what was going on in my mind was that I was having pangs of self doubt that were effecting my way of thinking. Like this list... like I said earlier, I'm flattered... but WHY!?! I have NEVER ever considered myself as hot... lukewarm cute? yeah.. hot? noooooooo. And this is where my self doublts and the female psyche comes in cause then I was wondering WHY... and thinking that others who see it will go.. HEY! I'M WAY HOTTER THAN THAT CHICK! WHY THE HELL IS SHE ON IT!" Perhaps not... maybe though.. or I think of other girls who are way more worthy of it and it affects me. So rather that boasting my self esteem, it was making me incredibly self conscious. But I'm ok with it now. Mom said that I'm a fool and that I should be happy... She's so wise... and silly. She woke me up this morning demmanding "girl talk."

I was supposed to go with Beth to her convention meeting over at Dominguez Hills, but my mom had a long and busy weekend taking care of her friend who was sick... so I didn't have the heart to tell her I couldn't go out due to another CKI event. (If I did, then I know she would say.. FTC IS OVER! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE!) So we went over to Elsinore to get some good christmas shoppipng done over at the outlets down there. :) YAY outlet shopping! Sure I'm still completely cluess about what I'm going to get people because althought there were some REALLY good buys, I had NO idea. :) Oh well.. hopefully somehthing will come to me in my sleep.