Sunday, March 30, 2008

And the secret ingredient is....

The other day, I attended an engagement party for JR and Marissa, where one of the activities included writing down "RECIPES FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE." You know.... 1 boy plus 1 girl, add some love and a whole lot of faith and communication.... stuff like that. :)

Lucky for me, mine got drawn and was read out loud...

RECIPE FOR A HAPPILY EVER AFTER

1 cup love
1 cup laughter
1 cup happiness
3 cups vodka
shake and serve

Alcohol makes love better.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I did my best.... I did my best....

I hate crying at work. Its extremely rare that I let things *get* to me, but I think with several issues going on personally in addition to a large pile of work, my undecided future, and the CONSTANT questions regarding the same matters that happen EVERY SINGLE DAY, signatures, phone calls and complaints ALL AT THE SAME TIME FOR ABOUT 8 HOURS.... while I like to think of myself as an expert at multitasking, I think I just got overwhelmed.

Ugh. Then your eyes are all pathetic and your voice is all wussy... and well you can't work like that! Its completely unprofessional and I HATE HATE HATE being pathetic. UGH. But for the most part, the moment my eyes started watering up, my friend saw and rushed me out of the room. Funny thing is that when you're seen crying, someone always offers to beat another person up for you. Courtesy violence I guess. Its sweet and makes me feel loved that someone is willing to kick ass for me.

Ironically, my horoscope told me that I "may be feeling a bit of a strain today." Too bad I read it when I got home. ;P

After the crying fiasco (which only lasted about 5 minutes. Still thats 5 minutes of being LAME!) I had a single Ritz cracker. And the moment I made my first bite... my f*cking phone rang. And you can't just spit out cracker or chew and swallow really fast! So I giggled at the whole absurdity of the situation and nearly choked. So see... my day could have been a WHOLE LOT WORSE! :D

Sunday, March 23, 2008

3...2...1 Pump it!

After waiting a year, I finally was able to donate blood recently! I was joking with Trainer Erik the Embryo that I had heard that when you donate blood, you loose a pound so I wanted to inquire if I can donate at least 5 pounds. He didn't find it too funny. He also didn't find it funny when I told him that I was kidding and that I throw up what I'm eating instead. Some people are so dry. :P

So I rushed from the office to the ballroom right at my appointed time, signed the form and got called in right away by the nurse for my evaluation. Mentally I was preparing myself for your usual bloodgivers quiz... Have I left the country within the last 5 years? NO. Am I an intravenously drug user? NO. Have you had sex with a man who had sex with another man? I DON'T THINK SO. Have you had sex with a man who has had sex with another man in Africa? UM... NO. But when the nurse took my blood pressure, she exclaimed that it was a little high and left the cubicle. An older nurse reentered after a couple of minutes and took my blood pressure again. And again...

"Its high."
"WHAT!? But I donate all the time and you guys take my blood pressure each time and tell me its normal. Its ALWAYS normal... last time I went to the doctor, they told me it was normal."
"Did you drink coffee today?"
"No... I dont really drink coffee."
"Oh. Nevermind."


Dammit. I should have lied.

I still was able to donate blood but as I was munching on my juice and cookies afterwards (best part of donating blood!) the older nurse came up to me and tried to make me feel better.

"Don't stress out about it. Just go to your doctor and have them run tests."
"Ok... what if it is? What can that mean? What will happen..."
"The worse would be a heart attack or stroke.... but don't stress out. It's... normal. Just the high end of normal."


WHAT. THE. F*CK.

Fast forward to the weekend and I have mom take it again for me. Its a Friday night and I had spent the day at work. Once again its high... CURSES! Saturday morning I make her take it again and its finally normal. Sweetdeliciousday! Although my mom doesn't remember what year she gave birth to me...

"How old are you now? 30? 28?"
"27."
"Yeah its sort of high for your age.... well actually its ok."
"Think about it. The younger I am... the younger YOU are."


So basically in a nutshell... work is killing me. Just kidding. It isn't. But isn't it weird that its high on days that I'm there?! I'm just saying...

Monday, March 17, 2008

Dwight, what is that on your stomach? Is that a Muppet Babies tattoo?

Since drinking is synonymous with today and my friends swear that I sound like Beaker when I tip back a few, I present you with this. ;D



Happy St. Patrick's Day Animals ;p

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

"I carried a watermelon. I carried a watermelon."

Today at work, one of the girls brought in the "Dirty Dancing" soundtrack and while us girls sang along and started quoted lines from the movie... each guy who walked in made some sort of remark on how they HATED the movie. HUH?! Hate DIRTY DANCING!?! Hate "Titanic"... I get. Hate "Beaches"? I can totally see it. But hate "Dirty Dancing"? I'm baffled. I guess its because I always thought that it sort of has a macho quality to it. Dancing Patrick Swayze is pretty hardcore. Like he can beat you down with his fist... and then cha-cha around your ass. Don't you think? Anyways, so guess what was playing on TV tonight... of course! DIRTY DANCING!

It makes me happy. ;)

Saturday, March 08, 2008

I need your femine wiles...

Possibly the worse pick up line you can hear at a gay club. Or anywhere a matter of fact. Do you mean you need my boobs? Maybe its a boob thing. Or is it my perfume? Or is it because I've been dancing hardcore and I'm all sweaty. Is that my wiles? Cause if that were the case, its not really mine, its everyone in this place who's been jumping around and rubbing against each other. Or maybe its my boobs. I AM wearing the good bra tonight.

Can I just say that anytime I talk to a guy at a gay club, I feel its necessary to clear the air and state that I don't have a penis. I'm just always afraid that they'll get confused or something. Hence the good bra.

But let me tell you this... Gays LOVE their Kelly Clarkson, Janet Jackson's FEEDBACK, and not all of them are gay all up in the club. Some of them are super duper smart straight guys. Seriously. Yay good bra!!! ;)

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

It's the skating isn't it? It's that insane disco music thing!

I'm suprised I haven't gushed about the show here because goodness knows I talk about ALL THE FREAKIN TIME at work... but I do LOVE me some "AMERICA'S BEST DANCE CREW." Granted I've passed the MTV targeted age group range (The last time I recorded something on MTV it was with an actual VCR and I think Carson Daly was hosing TRL. OH and Lance Bass was straight.) but seriously, the show makes me think about those high school and college days and dancing around till the wee hours until we got those Britney/NSYNC/Spice Girl moves just right. ;)

Lets face it, Jabbawockez and Kaba Modern are the best groups on the show. Seriously! I really look forward to see what they bring to the stage every week because you know its going to be awesome... but I have to be honest. I have a little sexy crush on BREAKSK8. I dont't know if its the skates, or the cute white guys, or the fact that they do sexy pelvic thrusts and lift their shirts to show their hip hop abs... but they're like YUMMY HOTT.

They show abs at 2:06. I watch for your pleasure.


Tomorrow night is Michal Jackson night!! :D HEEE!!

Monday, March 03, 2008

Do you have tickets??

The guys at the gym who wear those huuuuuge plastic baggie shirts gross me out. They're like wearable saunas... and there's this one tall guy in particular who SWEATS OVER EVERYTHING! Like his treadmill is drenched and there's sweat juice drippings within a 4 foot radius of where he is. A part of me really wants to throw up whenever I see him. Unfortunately I wasn't paying attention one day and found myself on an elliptical that he had just used and the heart rate reader thingie was moist!! Then I looked down and saw the sweat drippings EVERYWHERE!! I pretty much ran off and disinfected the holy hell out of my hands. But seriously.. WTF!? Can you towel off the machine when you're done? Is it necessry to sweat that much!? What if your sweat gets all up in the computer... you could get electricuted!! Nonetheless... EW!

Anyways, so now at the gym, they have this device were you scan yourself in with your id. Since I'm still getting used to it, I still ask if I'm doing it correctly because... well you never know. Today, I was thrown off because there were 2 self scanner thingies, so I asked the guy behind the desk "Any one right?" And he said "Yup!" So then I scanned myself in. The the guy was replied "GOOD JOB!" somewhat sarcastically which annoyed me a bit. I then wanted to scream "NO... GOOD JOB TO YOU! YOU'RE OBSOLETE! THIS MACHINE IS GOING TO TAKE OVER YOUR JOB!" But I didn't. He might have shown me the real gun show.