Say Cheese... Now Smile!

After a week and a half of waiting... today was the first viewing of my Nanang.

For the past couple of days, I haven't been able to sleep because of all the anxiety building up in me just for today. When I'd close my eyes, my mind would start visualizing of what she may look like in her casket and whatnot... so then I'd grab any silly romance novel next to me and read to the point of exhaustion just to get something else into my mind... sleep would come around 6am and it still would be pretty restless.

Today wasn't too bad. I was really nervous about seeing her for the first time this way. I didn't know what to expect. So when I went over there... I stayed back a bit. Then I saw her and it hit me. She wasn't sleeping. She didn't look the same. There was a spiritless body there that I didn't know... but at the same time it was her.

The moment I started crying, it felt like the whole room got quiet and really the only thing I could hear was myself. I cried on my dad's shoulder.

Afterwards, it was ok. I sat with Jen and Angel and we reminiced about how Nanang taught us how to play Mah Jong, the times she chased us with a knife when we were bad, the time she ran into the swimming pool... and I felt much better.

A lot of family and friends have been coming in, so the room was filled with people talking and laughing. Yeah.. though the mood was sober, there were some silly moments were you couldn't help but smile. Like when my Tita Lagring would go into a crying/wailing spell in ilicano at the casket... she'd finish and then turn and look kind of embarassed. My Uncle Nestor then told her that she should cry and wail in ENGLISH so that everyone could understand. :)

So yeah, it wasn't too sad. She was 91. She lived a long and happy life. We're just gonna miss her. Thats all.