This Sh*t is Bananas

Happy Cinco de Mayo kids!! I know... broken promises. I said I would blog more, but obviously I'm not. I know... I suck. But maybe its better this way. I'm not forced to think so hard during the day and when I do, its like a treat for both of us. Yes? Yes.

Anyways, keeping with my lifelong theme of "did this really happen to me?" after having dinner with my sister, we ended up at Target. Typically when we go to Target, we have the same pattern. She grabs the cart, we start walking to the right and we circle the store. Starting with women's clothes, into electronics, homegoods, foods (if needed), beauty, and then accessories. Tonight's trip also included a stop at shoes.

Target shoes are usually a hit or miss. Sometimes you find a pair and they're totally jellyfish... initally they're pretty and lovely... but then after one use, they hurt like a MOTHER. So persuing the shoe aisle really is a rarity since I wasn't looking for anything in particular nor was I feeling the need for bloody stumps in shiny packaging. But I was there and something caught my eye which prompted the following:

Me: Oooh rain boots are on sale!
Random Stranger @Target: Are you expecting rain?
Me: Oh no... But just in case for next season, I'll be ready!!
RS@T: I don't like that about you.
Me: Huh?
RS@T: I DONT LIKE THAT ABOUT YOU.

She then left my aisle and continued to talk to me behind another aisle.

RS@T: I don't even like buying green bananas.

I'd like to point out that I had no idea who this woman was. All I know was that she was in the same shoe aisle as me. And she hates me and green bananas.

I ran to find Carlene and asked if she had heard the interaction, which sadly she didn't. But when I told her my story, she completed my thought with "You don't even know her!!"

Does this happen to anyone else? Are some funky hate stars aligned tonight? It could have been way worst. I mean, did you hear about the stabbing at the Target in WeHo?

Ohmigosh, I totally could have died.

Nah. I would have lugged a rainboot at her and ran. Plus I'm sure my badass sister would have had my back and ran her over with the cart. We're hardcore like that.

Uber Geek Out with Mr. Black...

Nicole: Mr. Miyagi cannot beat Yoda. ONLY BECAUSE Yoda has the force on his side.
CB: LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME. heck no
N: Yoda trained Luke to raise his ship out of the swamp. Miyagi only tained Dainel to beat the Kobra Kai. You're talking SUPER NATURAL FORCES here.
CB: hello, they went to the golf n stuff in Downey, I've been there. I've never been to no stupid outer space
N: I'm fairly sure Miyagi can beat the Ewoks. Hands down. No question. But Yoda? Riiiighhhtt... HE HAS A LIGHT SABER!! Are you looking at all the factors?
CB: Can you use any methods Yoda, no?? paint the fence. Freakn magical stuff right there I can actually use. Havent you tried to catch a fly with chopsticks?? That mess is HARD.
N: but you're talking about THE FORCE!!
CB: and yoda talks like he is retarded
N: you're retarded.
CB: ya, but me and Miyagi speaka da english correctly.
CB: I win!!! Any other challenges you think you can win just let me know
N: LOL wow... Mr. Miyagi would still go down. Yoda would slice him in half by the time he waxed on and off. True story.
CB: then you paint the fence, that blocks it all the way around
N: he's not painting an actual fence you know.
CB: nope, hes blocking away lifes evil demons that come at him
N: and even if he were... his fence is weak.
CB: at least he can see over the fence
N: Touche CB. Touche.
CB:see, i win again
N: in HEIGHT!!!
CB: like danielson coming back with the crane to win the tournament
N: a tournament. Not the galaxy.
CB: yoda doesnt even have a finishing move
N: He doesn't need a finishing move. He has a light saber!!
CB: Whooptie freakin do, every1 had 1 back then. If you wanna go to a laker game who would you take?? Mr Miyagi by far
N: LOL Where is this going?! Yoda would totally be great to take to a game... Yoda would be able to use the force to ruin the other team's game
CB: yoda is as ugly as chloe
N: he's cute and huggable!!
CB: yoda is more a halftime show
N: Mr. Miyagi, if you were to hug him, he's smell old.
CB: Ok if you got in a fight and had to use one of their fighting methods and you use the "force" you just look like some crazy person. in an actually fight, paint the fence works as well as wax on wax off
N: No... if you use the force, people would get freaked out and stay away from you
CB: Exactly, like a weirdo
CB: WIN.

Q: How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None. They'd rather sit in the dark and cry.

I've said it once and I'll say it again... "its been a while dear blog." This time though I'm convinced that the word "blog" is just echoing in the abyss cause goodness knows who still reads this thing.

"blog... log... log... log...."

Let's keep on truckin, shall we?

EEEK! I guess its been so long that I've done this that my typing fast is causing my laptop to make little demon noises. Sort of a "What the f*ck do you think you're doing?! This is WAAAAAAY more than 140 characters!" Shut it Lappie. Deal with it. I'm blogging.

So, whats the new happenings?

2 weeks ago, one of my coworkers left for vacation and she left her fish at the office so that we can watch and feed it while she was gone. Well, the fish after 2 days just looked like crap. It was all balled up in fetal position, staying low next to the rocks, and wasn't eating. I called it Emo Fish. I imagined that if it could, it would totally slump it way to a Hot Topic, buy some tight jeans, eye liner, and a twilight shirt it was so emo-y. Everyday for the next 2 weeks, people would stop by and say "that fish is dying." One guy brought his tank heater in cause he said the water was too cold. Another guy said the water was too warm, so then we took out the heater. Someone else came in and said their fish was doing the same thing right before it croaked. I just kept on thinking that any time, I would just look up and by chance, see little Emo Fish go belly up.

Funny thing is that the little guy lived in such a "I hate the world wretchness" for the longest time. It was like how when I was growing up, my cousin would always say a blessing before family dinner. And without a doubt, everytime, he would always make a mention of how this birthday/holiday/special occasion would probably the last that our Nanang would have. Year after year it would be the "last." I like to think that my grandma held on all those years just to spite him and make him look stupid.

So the day before my co-worker came back, little Emo Fish went on to the big ocean in the sky. I'm not going to say if he went naturally or if someone decided to put him out of his little emo misery and possibly slammed him onto the ground. I don't know any details.

But what sort of makes me sad is that when my co-worker came back, she said that he was like that all the time. That the fish would just hang out at the bottom of his bowl all curled up reciting Dashboard Confessional lyrics. And just when she'd think she would flush it, he would lighten up and swim around his bowl. That's just how he was.

Talk about awkward.

Like I said, I don't know too many details of his passing, but I do hope Emo Fish is in a happier place.

Reason #342 Why we need our own TV show...

Hector: You hate me
Nicole: Awwww.. I don't hate you...
Nicole: If I hated you I'd be all "HECTOR. I HATE YOU"
Nicole: "HECTOR... I'M GOING TO FEED YOU TO MY TARANTULA."
Nicole: And then you'd wish me away....
Nicole: And then wake up all alone... home alone in fact.
Nicole: And it'd be fun at first... but then crooks are gonna rob your house on Christmas eve.
Hector: woooooooooooooooow
Hector: Seriously, get out of your house right now
Nicole: Why!?
Hector: And make 5 new friends
Nicole: LOL!!!
Hector: That do not live in your television
Hector: And they can't be named Rose, Dorothy, Blanche or Ma

Hector: Are you to busy being a FOB?
Nicole: Yes I'm chatting it up, making lumpia and playing with my calculator at the same time.
Hector: YAY Lumpia!

.... Its March Already?!?

And I haven't blogged in like FOREVER!! I've twittered pretty frequently, and while it's sorta the same, sometimes I need more than 140 characters to tell a story.

Like for instance, how I think I may have inadvertently mentally messed up a kid today.

Yeah.

SO while I was shopping this afternoon, this little boy having a temper tantrum and his mother screaming at him to stop. So there I am, filtering through dresses and thinking "How would I wear this" when out of nowhere, I hear the mom screech "I'm going to give you away!!" She then pulls me completely out of my shopping trance by tapping my shoulder and asking "WOULD YOU WANT A LITTLE BOY?"

Let me just say that when she asked me it, she winked. There was no actual attempt to barter her child and it actually reminded me of when I was a kid. Whenever my sister and I would fight, my mom would threaten to separate us and give one of us away to my Auntie in Pico Rivera. I know now that my mom wouldn't actually have separate us but back then, the threat scared us sh*tless and made us not fight (for that time being anyways.)

So here I am perusing my local TJ MAXX, and I was just offererd a child. The little boy is looking at me and is probably wondering if life with me will better. He sniffs a bit and waits for my answer. I right then and there CHANNELLED MY OWN MOTHER and asked the mom back "Well, is he a good boy??"

"No."

"Oh sorry... no thank you."

The mom then turns to the pouty boy and says "SEE. No one wants you."

Pouty boy cries bloody hell and I'm thinking "OH MY GOODNESS!! I HAVE RUINED THIS CHILD!! I should have said 'Yes!! I have laundry that needs folding and my car needs washing!'" I could have been like Angelina!

I know this is all about discipline and in the end, he'll learn that being good is waaaaay better than being bad. But it still sucks to freak out and think that no one wants you. I'm 29 and the idea itself is pretty damn scary. Then again, if not now, then there might be a Maury show just for him. Adult men who have temper tantrums while still shopping with their mothers.

Yeah, better to nip it in the bud now.

Everytime it rains, it rains pennies from heaven...

I love everything about the rain! I love wearing jackets! I love umbrellas. I love free car washes!! I love it! So as you can imagine, I can't wait to go to work tomorrow just so I can walk that huge parking lot in the rain. Yum!

Yesterday, was a not so awesome day. I should have know right at midnight when the day started. I was driving home and found myself on the wrong freeway and getting home in an hour as opposed to the usual 25 minutes it takes me. Later on that day, I wasn't able to save the document I was working on for a good 5 hours on my computer, which was REALLY weird because it didn't prompt me to save when I closed the program. I freaked slightly when I discovered what I had done and spent a good 45 minutes afterward googling "RECOVERING AUTO-SAVE", but nothing would work. Then, to make the day UBER crappy, when I finally got home that night, I discovered that my house key had fallen off of my key chain and I was locked out. The bed I wanted to cry into was behind a bolt and a security system and I was depressed as f*ck.

It definitely could have been worse, that's for sure. But life was pretty shitty right then and there.

Luckily my roomie Erica had gotten off work early and was able to rescue me from my despair. She also got me a new key which I promptly added onto my keychain. Midnight came again, and that wretched day was over with.

Today was good. I saved everything I worked on and I didn't have to beat any computers senseless.

OH!! And I got a full tank of gas with $20.

:) I can't complain.

Cha-cha-cha-changes....

I went back *home* this pass weekend, and lo and behold, I drove right into a fire. Literally.



As the day progressed, the fire inched closer and and closer to Chino Hills, and lo and behold, our city was a buzz with reporters, helicopters, and smoke. First earthquakes, now fires... but I guess it could be worse. Did you see Buffy and what happened to Sunnydale?!

By 6pm, they closed all the freeways that were nearby... and there went our plans to go out for the evening. So we stayed in and ate ice cream and bagel bites. Emergency food rocks.