I Guess I Shoulda Known by the Way You Parked Your Car Sideways That It Wouldn't Last

It's not a suprpise by those who know me, but I admit, I'm not the best driver. There are 2 things going against me. I'm Asian and I'm a female. I'm not one for racial and sexist stereotypes, but in this case, I fit it to the T. And I really do try to be a better driver. And while the last accident I had was actually my fault, the previous 2 before that weren't my bad at all. The one before those... yeah. And then my first one that wasn't my fault either.

Not too bad right?

When I was 16, getting my drivers license was a traumatic experience. I had to take the drivers test several times that in the end, my dad found a family friend who worked at the DMV and had me drive the course repeatedly one late summer night until I had ever turn, stop, arm signal etc down. And its not that I'm a bad driver because I know I definitely could be worse. But taking that test was a lot of pressure on pathetic 16 year old me who wanted her drivers license BADLY and didn't want to eff up.

So you can only imagine my horror when I looked down at my current drivers license and discovered that it's expiring on my birthday. In June.

I mentally cataloged through all my mail and realized that I never received my renewal. Did I miss something? Maybe I could renew online. But when I registered and put in my information, it said I was ineligible and needed to call the office.

The girl at the DMV was super sweet and explained to me that since I renewed my license twice via mail in the past, I would now need to go to the actual office and renew. Which means, new picture, new fingerprints, and I would need to RETAKE THE WRITTEN TEST.

F*CK.

So, here I am blogging with my driver's handbook ready to get highlighted and studied. You'd think that 15 years later, I'd be chill and breezy regarding this, but sadly I've reverted to a nervous 16 year old and I'm slightly freaked out about it. I don't want to be the 30 year old without a driver's license!! Do you know how long it's gonna take me to get to work on the bus?

What if I fail and I need to drink... will they take expired licenses?

I don't even want to know.

***UPDATE***

So I get to the DMV and while the guy in front of me getting his license renewed looked shocked when he was told that he needed to retake the written test, I was just as shocked to be told nothing about a test. Just that my ID would take 3-6 weeks to get to me.

That's right suckas. This girl didn't take have to take it at all. WOOOOOOOOOT!!


So where we going? ;)

Backstreet's Back. Alright!

Idle threats idle threats. But after a long conversation in the predawn hours post Rapture and thinking about it more and more the last couple of days, I am determined to blog more. Its crazy to think that I started this in 2000. 11 Years!?! What happened? I used to be so cute and adventurous... Now I'm just a sad shell of what used to be.

Kidding!!

So Nicole, how has it been lately you ask?

Well, here's the cliffnotes: I work a lot. I fell in love. It was really nice. But then I had this moment where I realized I wasn't as happy as I could be. Why? Different wants and needs. So now I'm single and actually quite content with life. Its funny, when you break up with someone, you don't think you'll get to that point cause you're too busy crying like a crazy and missing that person. But then you do all those typical things you do during a break up: drink, party, immerse yourself in work, surround yourself with friends, go on a crazy roadtrip, listen to a lot of Maroon 5, and boom... there you go. Clarity. You're in a better place. You have no regrets. You're eager to move on and find what you really want. And you're actually happy with how life is. She will be loved bitches. She will be loved.


So where am I now?

Well, can I just say that I've met a lot of interesting gentlemen lately and I'm actually going into this with a very open mind and carefree attitude. And its been an absolute blast!! Of course, I'm sure there will be another post just dedicated to some of the characters I've been meeting because, yeah... there's a LOT of crazy out there. But since this is my first trip back to bloggsville, I know I should leave you wanting more like a sweet delicious tease.

~*~

Its weird to think that sometimes my mom and I talk freely about our dating lives. 5 minutes after walking through the door the other day, she asked me "How's the love life."

I proceeded to tell her about this one guy I've been talking to more frequently and she knew to ask the important questions:

"Does he have a car?"
"Yes Mom..."
"Does he have friends?"
"Yes Mom..."
"Does he like his family?"
"Yes Mom..."
"Well he sounds great so far!!"

You think I kid, but she knows what my heart is looking for.

Oh no....

K: You went to the forest? OOOOHH I wanna go to the forest! Did you lay in a patch of flowers with your boyfriend and pretend you're Bella?"

N: Oh yeah... I made him wear some Victoria Secret lotion so that he would be all sparkly.

Oh my...

N: ASSHOLE!!! You sent me porn!!!
H: click on it...I nearly laughed my ass off at the welcome picture!!!!
N: Its like the guys in the middle are saying "its like I'm having sexy time... with myself!!"
H: It's so funny...I think most of these guys are actually straight but participate in gay porn because they're really poor in their country....don't you think?
N: How will we know they're really Eastern European? Accents? Really who talks in porn??
H Are they talking?
N: I dunno...
N: This is were I would say "I fast forward to the good stuff."
H: Poor guys...god bless them and their stretched out assholes...
N: They'll never be constipated again!

This Sh*t is Bananas

Happy Cinco de Mayo kids!! I know... broken promises. I said I would blog more, but obviously I'm not. I know... I suck. But maybe its better this way. I'm not forced to think so hard during the day and when I do, its like a treat for both of us. Yes? Yes.

Anyways, keeping with my lifelong theme of "did this really happen to me?" after having dinner with my sister, we ended up at Target. Typically when we go to Target, we have the same pattern. She grabs the cart, we start walking to the right and we circle the store. Starting with women's clothes, into electronics, homegoods, foods (if needed), beauty, and then accessories. Tonight's trip also included a stop at shoes.

Target shoes are usually a hit or miss. Sometimes you find a pair and they're totally jellyfish... initally they're pretty and lovely... but then after one use, they hurt like a MOTHER. So persuing the shoe aisle really is a rarity since I wasn't looking for anything in particular nor was I feeling the need for bloody stumps in shiny packaging. But I was there and something caught my eye which prompted the following:

Me: Oooh rain boots are on sale!
Random Stranger @Target: Are you expecting rain?
Me: Oh no... But just in case for next season, I'll be ready!!
RS@T: I don't like that about you.
Me: Huh?
RS@T: I DONT LIKE THAT ABOUT YOU.

She then left my aisle and continued to talk to me behind another aisle.

RS@T: I don't even like buying green bananas.

I'd like to point out that I had no idea who this woman was. All I know was that she was in the same shoe aisle as me. And she hates me and green bananas.

I ran to find Carlene and asked if she had heard the interaction, which sadly she didn't. But when I told her my story, she completed my thought with "You don't even know her!!"

Does this happen to anyone else? Are some funky hate stars aligned tonight? It could have been way worst. I mean, did you hear about the stabbing at the Target in WeHo?

Ohmigosh, I totally could have died.

Nah. I would have lugged a rainboot at her and ran. Plus I'm sure my badass sister would have had my back and ran her over with the cart. We're hardcore like that.

Uber Geek Out with Mr. Black...

Nicole: Mr. Miyagi cannot beat Yoda. ONLY BECAUSE Yoda has the force on his side.
CB: LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME. heck no
N: Yoda trained Luke to raise his ship out of the swamp. Miyagi only tained Dainel to beat the Kobra Kai. You're talking SUPER NATURAL FORCES here.
CB: hello, they went to the golf n stuff in Downey, I've been there. I've never been to no stupid outer space
N: I'm fairly sure Miyagi can beat the Ewoks. Hands down. No question. But Yoda? Riiiighhhtt... HE HAS A LIGHT SABER!! Are you looking at all the factors?
CB: Can you use any methods Yoda, no?? paint the fence. Freakn magical stuff right there I can actually use. Havent you tried to catch a fly with chopsticks?? That mess is HARD.
N: but you're talking about THE FORCE!!
CB: and yoda talks like he is retarded
N: you're retarded.
CB: ya, but me and Miyagi speaka da english correctly.
CB: I win!!! Any other challenges you think you can win just let me know
N: LOL wow... Mr. Miyagi would still go down. Yoda would slice him in half by the time he waxed on and off. True story.
CB: then you paint the fence, that blocks it all the way around
N: he's not painting an actual fence you know.
CB: nope, hes blocking away lifes evil demons that come at him
N: and even if he were... his fence is weak.
CB: at least he can see over the fence
N: Touche CB. Touche.
CB:see, i win again
N: in HEIGHT!!!
CB: like danielson coming back with the crane to win the tournament
N: a tournament. Not the galaxy.
CB: yoda doesnt even have a finishing move
N: He doesn't need a finishing move. He has a light saber!!
CB: Whooptie freakin do, every1 had 1 back then. If you wanna go to a laker game who would you take?? Mr Miyagi by far
N: LOL Where is this going?! Yoda would totally be great to take to a game... Yoda would be able to use the force to ruin the other team's game
CB: yoda is as ugly as chloe
N: he's cute and huggable!!
CB: yoda is more a halftime show
N: Mr. Miyagi, if you were to hug him, he's smell old.
CB: Ok if you got in a fight and had to use one of their fighting methods and you use the "force" you just look like some crazy person. in an actually fight, paint the fence works as well as wax on wax off
N: No... if you use the force, people would get freaked out and stay away from you
CB: Exactly, like a weirdo
CB: WIN.

Q: How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None. They'd rather sit in the dark and cry.

I've said it once and I'll say it again... "its been a while dear blog." This time though I'm convinced that the word "blog" is just echoing in the abyss cause goodness knows who still reads this thing.

"blog... log... log... log...."

Let's keep on truckin, shall we?

EEEK! I guess its been so long that I've done this that my typing fast is causing my laptop to make little demon noises. Sort of a "What the f*ck do you think you're doing?! This is WAAAAAAY more than 140 characters!" Shut it Lappie. Deal with it. I'm blogging.

So, whats the new happenings?

2 weeks ago, one of my coworkers left for vacation and she left her fish at the office so that we can watch and feed it while she was gone. Well, the fish after 2 days just looked like crap. It was all balled up in fetal position, staying low next to the rocks, and wasn't eating. I called it Emo Fish. I imagined that if it could, it would totally slump it way to a Hot Topic, buy some tight jeans, eye liner, and a twilight shirt it was so emo-y. Everyday for the next 2 weeks, people would stop by and say "that fish is dying." One guy brought his tank heater in cause he said the water was too cold. Another guy said the water was too warm, so then we took out the heater. Someone else came in and said their fish was doing the same thing right before it croaked. I just kept on thinking that any time, I would just look up and by chance, see little Emo Fish go belly up.

Funny thing is that the little guy lived in such a "I hate the world wretchness" for the longest time. It was like how when I was growing up, my cousin would always say a blessing before family dinner. And without a doubt, everytime, he would always make a mention of how this birthday/holiday/special occasion would probably the last that our Nanang would have. Year after year it would be the "last." I like to think that my grandma held on all those years just to spite him and make him look stupid.

So the day before my co-worker came back, little Emo Fish went on to the big ocean in the sky. I'm not going to say if he went naturally or if someone decided to put him out of his little emo misery and possibly slammed him onto the ground. I don't know any details.

But what sort of makes me sad is that when my co-worker came back, she said that he was like that all the time. That the fish would just hang out at the bottom of his bowl all curled up reciting Dashboard Confessional lyrics. And just when she'd think she would flush it, he would lighten up and swim around his bowl. That's just how he was.

Talk about awkward.

Like I said, I don't know too many details of his passing, but I do hope Emo Fish is in a happier place.