Say Cheese... Now Smile!

Since I've been needing a new hairdryer, I bought a MOTHERLOAD of a hairdryer today.

Why?

Because I'm the advertisers dream.

Basically I'm a smuck.

Words like "BREAKTHROUGH TECHNOLOGY" catch my eye and I'm mesmerized by the fact that it uses "ceramic radiant heat" that's supposed to help prevent damage for more shine. PREVENT DAMAGE AND MORE SHINE!? You must be the devil's hairdryer because you are too good to be true!

It has a 5 port Ionic system. "Negative ions neutralize the positive ions that cause static and frizz giving hair more healthy shine." I don't know what this whole "ionic" thing means, but less frizz and even MORE shine?! F*ck me!! My hair is going to blind people once I'm doing giving it a blow job.

A 6 ft cord? Shut up! You're telling me I can dry my hair in the next room if I wanted? I'm dying over here!

How exciting! I want to use it and see if my head glows.

If it doesn't, I'll be very disappointed.

Stupid box.