Say Cheese... Now Smile!

:(

We learned this morning that my Lola passed away.

Mom is leaving for the PI tomorrow night. Carlene and I can't go because of school and mostly because of expenses.

I know shes in a better place, she's with my Lolo and that she's not suffering anymore... but its still unfair.

From the moment I learned how to pray, I prayed for all my grandparents... When I learned how to read and write, I wrote letters to my Lola and Lolo in the Philippines on pretty Hello Kitty stationary. I would tell them how I was doing, what tv shows I was watching and what were my favorite things. I remember when I was in second grade, telling my teacher about how excited I was that her and my Lolo were going to come and live with us.

It was a dream. Far from the Bradys, but as perfect as it could be. They were my heros. My Lola would baby me all the time. While my Nanang was "bad cop" when I was bad, Lola was always the good cop... giving me the benifit of a doubt and coming in to rescue me when I needed it. She always had an open ear whenever I needed it and even to this day I'll always remember holding her hand and feeling so incredibly loved. When they left, that was the first time I felt heartache because I knew they weren't going to be in my every day life. Even after they left whenever I saw her, she had this huge hug and smile for me.... and she'd would cry when I had to leave. She's say "Come back ok?" and i'd say that I try.

But the last time I went to the PI, it wasn't the same. A while ago, she had a stroke and really never recovered from it... It seems unfair for God not to entirely take her but he probably had his reasons. But what I will never forget is walking up to her bed and seeing her in that state... and looking into her eyes and seeing tears formed because my sister and I were there.

It sucks. It sucks SO BAD. I can't think of any other way to say it other than it sucks.