Say Cheese... Now Smile!

More than anything, I wish I could be on that plane with my Mom right now just so that I can be with her and support her. I wish I could be with my aunts and uncles and cousins. I wish I could say "goodbye" properly.

You'd think by now I'd know what to say when people say "I'm sorry" or "condolence". Thank you for being sorry? Or when friends and family say "if I need anything, say it"... I don't know. How will they react when I scream that I want everyone who has gone BACK. I want them to be alive, healthy, happy and BACK in my life. I want you to promise me that I'll never have to go through this again.

Losing Nanang was hard. Losing Lola isn't any easier.

I want to be selfish.

The thing is, theres no way to "make it better."

On the ride to the airport, I kept on thinking about that drive to go pick up my Lola and Lolo from there back in the second grade. I remember Carlene and I were trying to "outdo" each other by saying "When I see Lola and Lolo, I'm going give them a BIG hug!" or "When I see Lola and Lolo, I'm gonna run and give them a BIG hug and kiss!" But by the time we really did see them there for the first time, we were so shy that we hid behind my mom... who then teased us and said "I thought that you were going to run and hug them!"

If only we can go back and do things differently...

But she is in a better place and at peace. She and my Lolo and finally together and I'm sure they're happy. And thats the one thought aside from praying that keeps me sane. :)