Oh my...

N: ASSHOLE!!! You sent me porn!!!
H: click on it...I nearly laughed my ass off at the welcome picture!!!!
N: Its like the guys in the middle are saying "its like I'm having sexy time... with myself!!"
H: It's so funny...I think most of these guys are actually straight but participate in gay porn because they're really poor in their country....don't you think?
N: How will we know they're really Eastern European? Accents? Really who talks in porn??
H Are they talking?
N: I dunno...
N: This is were I would say "I fast forward to the good stuff."
H: Poor guys...god bless them and their stretched out assholes...
N: They'll never be constipated again!

This Sh*t is Bananas

Happy Cinco de Mayo kids!! I know... broken promises. I said I would blog more, but obviously I'm not. I know... I suck. But maybe its better this way. I'm not forced to think so hard during the day and when I do, its like a treat for both of us. Yes? Yes.

Anyways, keeping with my lifelong theme of "did this really happen to me?" after having dinner with my sister, we ended up at Target. Typically when we go to Target, we have the same pattern. She grabs the cart, we start walking to the right and we circle the store. Starting with women's clothes, into electronics, homegoods, foods (if needed), beauty, and then accessories. Tonight's trip also included a stop at shoes.

Target shoes are usually a hit or miss. Sometimes you find a pair and they're totally jellyfish... initally they're pretty and lovely... but then after one use, they hurt like a MOTHER. So persuing the shoe aisle really is a rarity since I wasn't looking for anything in particular nor was I feeling the need for bloody stumps in shiny packaging. But I was there and something caught my eye which prompted the following:

Me: Oooh rain boots are on sale!
Random Stranger @Target: Are you expecting rain?
Me: Oh no... But just in case for next season, I'll be ready!!
RS@T: I don't like that about you.
Me: Huh?
RS@T: I DONT LIKE THAT ABOUT YOU.

She then left my aisle and continued to talk to me behind another aisle.

RS@T: I don't even like buying green bananas.

I'd like to point out that I had no idea who this woman was. All I know was that she was in the same shoe aisle as me. And she hates me and green bananas.

I ran to find Carlene and asked if she had heard the interaction, which sadly she didn't. But when I told her my story, she completed my thought with "You don't even know her!!"

Does this happen to anyone else? Are some funky hate stars aligned tonight? It could have been way worst. I mean, did you hear about the stabbing at the Target in WeHo?

Ohmigosh, I totally could have died.

Nah. I would have lugged a rainboot at her and ran. Plus I'm sure my badass sister would have had my back and ran her over with the cart. We're hardcore like that.