Say Cheese... Now Smile!

Lets take a look at a page of my life...

Scene: The kitchen. MOM is cooking dinner just as a NICOLE at age 6 comes running into the room, crying and holding her left hand out.
YOUNG NICOLE: Mom!! My finger!
MOM: What? What happened?
YOUNG NICOLE: We were playing outside and when I touched a piece of wood, it hurt my finger!
MOM: Oh... it's a splinter.
YOUNG NICOLE: It hurts.
MOM: I know... we'll take it out. (Opens a drawer, pulls out a pair of tweezers, and proceeds to take the splinter out of Young Nicole's finger.)
YOUNG NICOLE: Ooowww!
MOM: It's not coming out.
YOUNG NICOLE (panicking): What happens if I can't get it out?
MOM: It will get infected and your finger will fall off. Hmmmm... let me go get a needle.
YOUNG NICOLE screams

Now... lets look at the events of today.

Scene: At a wedding decorating warehouse. NICOLE, many years later, is putting away fabrics in a hurried manner, and in the process of doing so, she bangs her hand against a wooden roller and yelps. SARAH, her co-worker looks on.
NICOLE: Oh f*ck! I have a splinter!
SARAH: Does it hurt?
NICOLE: (clutching her finger, staring at her wound, and wimpers) Yes... you don't have tweezers by any chance?
SARAH: Nope.
NICOLE: (wimpers more and calls out to her boss) Doug? Do you have any tweezers?
(DOUG enters room and walks over to a bookshelf and takes out a first aid kit.)
DOUG: Maybe. What for? (Looks inside and finds a giantic pair of plastic tweezers that shouldn't be in there in the first place because they're absolutely useless.)
NICOLE: I have a splinter... (Tries to take splinter out with tweezers, but like I told you already, they're uselss.) Aww... it hurts and it won't come out.
DOUG: Let me try (trying to take splinter out of Nicole's finger)
NICOLE: (Babbling to herself) ...and if it gets stuck, it's going to get infected and my finger is going to fall off!!!
DOUG: This isn't working... lets get a needle. You can try cutting your skin open...
NICOLE screams

We later were able to take it out eventually with a pair of pliers. I nearly passed out.

But at least I won't loose my finger to a tragic splinter infection. Thanks a lot Mom for instilling the fear of "infections" in me. That and the fear of "too much sodium" because too much sodium means that you can get kidney stones and I was scared of peeing in pain. That was the reason why we weren't allowed to get LUNCHABLES growing up.

"Do you want to pee rock salt? It's going to hurt!"
"No mom."
"Ok. You can have a piece of bread with mayonaise on it for lunch at school."
"Yay!"