It's 3am and I can't sleep.

My Nanang is gone. She came down with pneumonia Friday and was in and out of the hospital since then. Apparently she was given last rites on Saturday. I didn't know all this. No one tells me these things. What I know is that she died 10 minutes before I got home from school.

Earlier tonight, Carlene and I talked about the *good times* with Nanang. We reminisced about the crazy things she did, the foods she cooked and the stories that she told. Then we went downstairs to watch my newest half.com purchase: A bootleg dvd of THE LITTLE MERMAID while Sonny made some chocolate chip-banana pancakes. I felt better then.

But now, I'm alone in my room. Its dark, I can't sleep, and everytime I close my eyes, I can see her. Now, I realize, thats the only way I'm going to see her from now on. Yes, she had a long life... but still. You never want to see anyone you love go.

I found an old post that I wrote about Nanang...

Thursday, March 13, 2003
We got some fresh flowers today at work which meant I had to get water for them. At the old building, this really isn't much of a task since the water spout is right outside the back, 2 feet away from our backdoor. At this new location though, water isn't as close. The spout is about 8 shops down and the hose we have is about 50 feet too short. Anyways, so while I was fetching my water, I was totally reminded of how my nanang would tell me your typical grandparent stories of how she would have to ride a caribou for 5 miles just to get water.

Then, while having my "Nanang moment" flashback, I remembered this one incident when I was younger that made me almost drop my bucket of water and throw up.

So while growing up, my mom worked during the day and my dad worked the nightshift so that there would be at least one parent taking care of us... but every other week/month/whenver my Nanang would live with us and also take care of us. She'd cook dinner sometimes and everything would be dandy. But this one time, she cooked sutanhon (a noodle soup) and it was the sickest thing ever. Oh, it tasted just fine at first, but during the course of dinner, mom found some weird brown thing in her meal. We all looked at it and just figured.. its probably some weird bit of chicken. But then, while stirring the pot, we found this white clothy thing in the soup. Then we all screamed, gagged, and figured what it was. It was discovered that the brown thing was the sticky part of a bandaid. The white thing... well, that was the gauze. Who's bandaid did it belong to? Nanang just looked at her hand and started laughing... it was hers!! Oh funny ha ha... dinner was over and everyone, with the exception of Nanang, stopped eating and just wanted to throw up. Ewww....

There was also the time when a bee landed on me in the car, and while trying to take it of me (since I was allergic to bees), Nanang pinched it between her index finger and thumb and accidently PUSHED the stinger into my arm. I had to get a shot in my butt because of that.

But I love my nanang. I have so many fun, quirky stories about her in my head that I really want to write them all down so that I when I become old and forgetful, I can give them to my kids so that they'll know about her. Playing bingo (complete with the bingo ball cage), conning her to buy my snoopy paper after dance lessons, going to parties and she'd be the lady on the dance floor... dancing with another old lady, nanang chasing us around the house with a knife threating to kill us... ahhhhh good times I tell ya. :) Good times.

"Nanang... what are you doing?"
"Sitting pretty."

Oh my gosh... I'm going to miss her so much...

i walked through the door to find sonny in the garage. i joked with him. i said "I'm not carlene" cause usually he'll stand at the door to greet her home.

"call your dad."

"why?"

"because your grandmother just passed away."

i can't breathe.

*and so it continues*
nicole: we should get one of mom's boyfriends to come help paint
carlene: I know! I have my boyfriend here!
nicole: its a good thing I don't have one...
sonny: this is WHY you need one!

Tonight, we painted the living room into 2 shades of green. Maybe it's me, or its the lighting... but it makes me crave guacamole and something chilie-limey. It'll probably look much nicer during the day.

I hope.

YAY! Its been a while, but I'm before 1am on a Saturday night for work! WHOOHOOO!! Yeah, I had to work tonight... but we started tearing down at 9:30 and finish by 11:15! Really, you don't know how excited I was about that. Normally I'll leave home at 11 and come back at 2 or 3am. On the downside though, my right hand is rather sore from spilling a whole lot of hot wax on it after picking up a candle incorrectly. :( But hey, I'm home... right now! :)

If only I had tv, then I'd watch it. But we're still in the "dark." I guess one of the guys tried to reinstall it on the new patio... but Sonny overheard him saying "where do I plug this in?" Um.. yeah. You'd think that since they took it down in the first place, they'd be able to put it back. Argh. So here we are... going into week 5 of no tv. Hardcore. Have apes taken over the planet? Who's govenor? I know Ross walked in on Rachel and Joey kissing.. but what happened to Will and Grace?!?

Soon... I will know everything soon. I hope. Maybe. Hmmmm....

The past couple of days has sorta been like a reunion of sorts with all the birthdays. :) YAY! Isn't it funny how when you see someone you haven't seen in a while, you realize that you really DO miss seeing them regularly? Like... say every weekend at some kind of CKI event? OK. It isn't exactly funny, but its kind of sweet and sad at the same time.

Well... except Pic.

Wait... no... there was a time I saw Pic every weekend... what a whore. ;P

That "whore" comment was directed to Pic... not me.

Anyways, if I had brought my camera last night... I probably wouldn't post the pictures because I'm sure everyone looked gross being all sweaty and shiny. And really, all those hands and bodyparts just thrown about... not PRETTY. But I'm sure in every picture, you'd see Manny's hand on someone's ass, thats for sure. Apparently Sukhyung's is pretty nice... according to the sick f*ck.

"I thought you're gay!"
"Not anymore!"

Oh lordy. :)

It was well worth the 3 hours of sleep I had before work this morning. Thanks guys! Lets do it again!!

During my usual Saturday "I'm so freaking tired I'm gonna sleep before I go back to work like a 2 cent hooker" nap, I had Penelope with me in bed. Hyper puppy plus girl tired as holyhell do not mix well. Still, I love that puppy... even if she'll freak me out by sticking her cold wet nose into the back of my neck as I'm drifting into sweet slumber. Ew.

Oh speaking of work, I'm getting a bit sad because soon, Sonny is gonna leave in persuits of a "real" job. I realized today when the new girl drove up and Sonny turned and whispered "I HATE YOU" in her direction... I'm gonna miss having him be my ally at work. oh its so sad! She's awful. :P

A great big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Mike "Bob" and Manny "whodasickf*ck".

Mike had stubble on his cheek. I felt it on my tongue. :P

I don't know about Manny yet. I should find out tonight. ;)

Although I don't see them as often as I would like, they always manage to put a smile on my face whenever I do. So yeah... HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU SEXY WHORES! ;)

At first... my day started crappy. Actually, my week has been pretty bleh... but today it got better. And now I'm happy. :)

Its the little things in life that make everything better. It really is.